forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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