You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
