You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
