I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
