Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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