I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
