O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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