What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
