All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
