I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
