i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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