The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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