I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
