My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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