nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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