You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
