There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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