Will you blow on my dice?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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