Small penises have feelings too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
