Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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