dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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