All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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