Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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