wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
