So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
