This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
