i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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