Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
