wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
