I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
