you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you never un-have a 4some
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
