were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
