Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
