Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
