i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
