I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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