Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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