so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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