The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I looked at my own cervix.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
