Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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