Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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