96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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