Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
