addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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