Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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