yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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