Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
