Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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