lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
