I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
