His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
