i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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