I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
