the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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