Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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