erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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