wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
