Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
