She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
