Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I need to stop coming to work sober
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
