you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
