I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
