Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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