So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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