just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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