My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
