I just made out with a guy for $7.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
