you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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