There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
