I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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