They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
