you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
