OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i think my cat just said my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize