There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
